I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
