Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
