I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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