y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
