My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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