I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
