okay pat passed out under dana's car
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
