I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
