i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
