there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
