It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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