i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
