fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
