I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
