I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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