You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
