I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
