Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
