The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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