So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
