D3 body, D1 cock
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he shaved USA in his pubs
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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