I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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