You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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