Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
