this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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