I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
