I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
