Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
