3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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