Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
