I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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