dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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