I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
