I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
