Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize