Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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