Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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