well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Less talking, more tequila
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
