I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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