Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
