good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
