I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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