We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
