The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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