dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
