Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
