You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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