I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
