the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
