at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We smell like vodka and hangover
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