her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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