Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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