I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
