remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
