I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
