Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize