under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
