just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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