I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
