This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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