there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize