I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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