he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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