Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize